but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
