Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
