Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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