i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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