Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
