I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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