you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
