slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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