Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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