it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
