so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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