I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
