I can't breathe out the right side of my face
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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