He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
