He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
