well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
