I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
