Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
