you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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