Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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