After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
