Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
