i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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