I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize