I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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