Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
