I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
