i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize