This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love having hate sex.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
