should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
