Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
