i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No subtext here. People are naked.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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