i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
