I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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