apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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