Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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