There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
