ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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