I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
