he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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