would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
