I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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