Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
God, I missed his penis.
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