I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
