some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
