Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
