3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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