dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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