Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
