he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
