my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
