Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
look no pants
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
