dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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