Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
