I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
