I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
