I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
