ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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