I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
only if we run a train.
done.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
