she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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