I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
