dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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