my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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