I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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