i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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