I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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