Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Everclear isn't food dammit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
