Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
