these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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