Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
