I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
