How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
