I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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