Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
