i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
