this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
