Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry my hands just texted you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
