We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have demons in me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
